High standards, low expectations
Part of my personal philosophy is to have high standards, but low expectations.
This helps me feel open to and at peace with whatever happens, but focused on what I can control: actively working to be my personal best in any context.
One simple view is that happiness = expectations minus reality. Reality is driven by randomness: call it luck, chance or something else, forces outside of our control impact each of us.
Holding high expectations and then having reality serve up something much worse is a recipe for disappointment. Low expectations hold greater possibility for positive surprises.
To me, expectations are about outcomes, and it’s especially important not to tie your sense of self-worth or your identity to what happens. Standards apply to something more ongoing and dynamic: how we are.
Having high standards means showing up in accordance with your personal value system and principles. Being optimistic, honest, kind and curious can happen at all times, in any situation. I subscribe to the “inside-out” approach: we only control our thoughts and actions, and must focus on figuring out who we want to be, and be that, instead of focusing on what we want to have and do.
Hold a high bar for how you carry yourself through each day, but assume that things won’t be handed to you, that there will be bumps in the road, that even though you run a great process things won’t turn out how you want.
It’s like poker: we don’t control the cards that are dealt to us, so we shouldn’t expect a great hand. But we do control our decisions, how we talk to ourselves and how we treat others.